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04 September 2011 @ 07:29 pm
[mijmeraar] Steve/Danny, Hawaii50  
Title: Count down from always.
Pairing[s]: Steve/Danny.
Genre: Romance/ Fluff.
Rating: PG15.
Warnings/Spoilers: A few F-Bombs.
Summary: “Can I tell you a secret?”
AN: This is self indulgent mush.


It’s ESPN. A few abandoned beers and a bowl of chips going stale. Steve crocheted against Danny on the sofa, blissed out on pain meds and touching Danny with an awe Danny can appreciate. It’s Wednesday, and things could be worse.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Steve says at Danny’s ear, a grin Danny can feel on his skin.

“Will you get arrested?”

Steve huffs. Warm air and laughter. “I don’t think so.”

“Shoot.”

“You’re the first person I ever loved.” Danny doesn’t realise he has his hand on Steve’s thigh until he’s digging his fingers in deep and catching his breath. It’s just like Steve to say things like that, just dangle them off rooftops like he isn’t breaking rules. “I mean, not loved but, in love, like, run me down and break my bones ‘cause I’ll never be the same again, love. You know?”

Danny looks at Steve now, tired and bleary eyed and coming down from whatever they pumped into him at the ER tonight. He’s blinking at Danny, all lashes and lips and he’s waiting. He’s still waiting, even though he waited all those months in the first place, even though he denied himself all of this for so long.

“Does that scare you?” he asks Danny.

“Jesus,” Danny finally says, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I mean, that sounds like some serious shit you’ve got going on there, Steven.”

“I’m a serious guy.”

“You mean it,” Danny goes on, because he has to know, even if he won’t understand. “Never? Not even when you had sex for the first time, didn’t you think, this must be it, even for a measly second before the orgasm wore off? Never?”

Steve let’s his head fall back against the sofa, exposing his neck to Danny, the nervous bob of his throat. The bandages are peeking out from the neck of his tee, mocking him. “It’s okay if you don’t, you know, love me like that.”

“What?”

“I just wanted you to know.”

Danny hooks a hand behind Steve’s ear and pulls him in so close he’s out of focus. Or maybe everything is. “Hey, hold on. This is my mouth, okay, and while it does appreciate your attendance from time to time it doesn’t need you putting words in it okay?”

Steve covers Danny’s hand with his own, a smile breaking out at the corner of his mouth. “Ten-four.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Danny says, and then he’s quiet, which goes to show just how surprised he really is.

“You’re surprised that I’ve never needed anyone like I need you?” Steve admits, quiet and hushed. War stories and toolboxes and Danny. All of Steve’s unknowns. “That you’re probably it for me, and when you leave - ”

“Stop it - ”

“When you leave I’ll stop being me again, stop feeling anything, like before you came along.”

“Stop it, just, shut up, fucking hell, since when did you learn to talk?”

Danny gets Steve on his back, somehow – mostly because he’s willing – gets his lips on Steve’s, his hands in Steve’s hair. It’s been a long time for Danny. A long time since he was willing to pour his heart out and drench his sleeve in it. A long, long time spent crawling before he got back up onto his feet.

“You know I was in love with Rachel,” he rasps, gliding a cheek, his nose, wet lips against Steve’s face, giving in. “I’ve been in love with a few people, babe,”

“Danny,”

“But I get it, fuck do I get it,”

Steve holds Danny in place and stares right through him and sees it all. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, and if I leave, you’re coming with me, because Grace needs her Danno and I don’t know – God help me – I don’t know who that is without you any more. I don’t want to know.”

“Good,” Steve says, and then he says it again into the open, welcome space of Danny’s mouth, stealing other four letter words that Danny can’t say out loud yet. “Good.”
 
 
 
antivolantivol on September 4th, 2011 12:20 pm (UTC)
Beautiful! I love how Steve stays very much himself even in love : serious, focused, two hundred percent there! And how Danny makes another act of courage by letting himself get engaged again. The pace of the fic was awesome, I thought it was very graphic, very easy to hear/see. Thanks for this!
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:02 am (UTC)
thank you so much :)
Azziria: h5-0azziria on September 4th, 2011 12:26 pm (UTC)
I heartily approve of your self indulgent mush :)
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:03 am (UTC)
I'm glad to hear it, I like to share!
Kathy: McDanno deskkitmerlot1213 on September 4th, 2011 12:35 pm (UTC)
This was so beautifully emotional!

Of course Steve's convinced that Danny;s going to leave him, so I'm sure that
Danny's reaction to Steve's declaration of love helped him to realize that Danny's as gone as Steve is--great work on this :)
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:05 am (UTC)
Poor, abandoned Steve :( thanks so much for reading/commenting!
uena: hurt/kampferuena on September 4th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
This is so wonderful I had to hold my breath.

Really very touching. Brilliant job!
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:07 am (UTC)
What a lovely thing to say :) Steve and Danny make me do that every week so that means a lot, thank you
Theresatmelange on September 4th, 2011 02:03 pm (UTC)
Loved it! Bravo!
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:08 am (UTC)
Thank you :D
ciaimpala: stepsteveciaimpala on September 4th, 2011 02:47 pm (UTC)
This is really incredible-so well-written and it rings so true.
Oh, so that's puce.: fraser and rayvmijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:09 am (UTC)
That's so nice to hear, thanks so much :)
doctorsheriffdoctorsheriff on September 4th, 2011 03:06 pm (UTC)
If this is a result of your self indulgence then seriously, you should just indulge all the time. Everyday cause that was gorgeous. Thanks. Xx
Oh, so that's puce.: kayleemijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:10 am (UTC)
Haha, I must admit, most things I write are purely self indulgent. It's nice to be welcomed into this fandom, I love it so much. Thanks for reading :)
4thoffive4thoffive on September 4th, 2011 03:07 pm (UTC)
Oh that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us. Vulnerable, open Steve is lovely.
Oh, so that's puce.: fight the good fightmijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:11 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading. I like the idea that Danny is one of the few people who can make Steve give in to his ~feelings~, it makes me smile :)
Geaven: Alice - White queen smilinggeaven on September 4th, 2011 03:31 pm (UTC)
Lovely! <3 <3 <3
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:12 am (UTC)
thank you :)
trucktastictrucktastic on September 4th, 2011 03:32 pm (UTC)
This is fab! Please do indulge a lot lot more!
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:12 am (UTC)
I'll definitely work on it, thanks so much :)
--♫ Anna--: The Boysrocsfan on September 4th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)
A wonderful indulgence for me. Truly lovely. Danny's reaction is perfect. "shouldn't I be asking you that?" I just love the depth of feeling. ::huggles::
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:13 am (UTC)
It's a simple word but 'depth' is something I'm so glad you felt. Thanks so much for reading, and for telling me what you thought!
(Deleted comment)
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:15 am (UTC)
thanks :D
Kisomehowunbroken on September 4th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
Awwww :)
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:18 am (UTC)
:D
NavyVet90: Sax It Upnavyvet90 on September 4th, 2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
Wow. Seriously gorgeous! Very emotional, but in a good way. Steve totally lays it out there how he feels.
Lovely work.
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:20 am (UTC)
thank you :) when I first started it, it was going to be more about what Steve wasn't saying but for some reason once he started talking he just wouldn't shutup, haha. Go figure.
finduilas_clln on September 5th, 2011 02:53 pm (UTC)
That's the most beautiful thing I read in a long time.

<3
Oh, so that's puce.: fight the good fightmijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:21 am (UTC)
thank you so much, I really appreciate it :)
a geek in such the wrong way: h50-smittenhaldoor on September 5th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
Gorgeously done! ;-)
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:22 am (UTC)
thanks so much!
stealyourluck: tv: life charliestealyourluck on September 5th, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
This is lovely. My favourite bit, it's so very Danny:

Danny hooks a hand behind Steve’s ear and pulls him in so close he’s out of focus. Or maybe everything is. “Hey, hold on. This is my mouth, okay, and while it does appreciate your attendance from time to time it doesn’t need you putting words in it okay?”

Like others have said before me, please feel free to indulge more often!
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:24 am (UTC)
Aw, I'm glad you pointed that bit out, I liked that too. Thank you so much, this made me smile :)
space: H50-Danny-words are hardiam_space on September 6th, 2011 02:43 pm (UTC)
Besides the fact that the whole premise of this story was quite well done and very in-character and just alsdkjflskfdj... you really know how to turn a phrase. There were several places here where I was just in awe of how you wrote this. Does that make sense? Like this: It’s been a long time for Danny. A long time since he was willing to pour his heart out and drench his sleeve in it. Very visual, very emotive. Just love! <3
Oh, so that's puce.mijmeraar on September 12th, 2011 10:27 am (UTC)
I'm not sure how I can say thank you in a way that would be worthy of this comment, really. I just really, really appreciate you taking the time to comment and make me feel proud of something I wrote. That made my year, thanks a lot :)
Olgaolga_moscow on September 18th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
Amazing fic!!!! Thank you!
cherish4: Danny <3's Steve!cherish4 on September 24th, 2011 04:16 pm (UTC)
Wonderful! I love how open and honest Steve is here and that line when he talks about the day Danny leaves...it just kills me, it really does.